


I Guess I'll Never Know

by Rutkowski



Series: Rutkowski One-Shots [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Memorials, Post-Episode: s05e22 The Gift, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rutkowski/pseuds/Rutkowski
Summary: Adaptation of the song 'I guess I'll Never Know' by ClawfingerSet between S5-S6
Series: Rutkowski One-Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077671
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	I Guess I'll Never Know

Willow went up to the podium, dressed in a long black dress and with her teary red eyes covered by a pair of large sunglasses. In front of her were what remained of their once so strong group. Dawn sat in the front row with a framed picture of Buffy in her lap, leaning into Tara as they both sobbed.

Anya sat by the end of the row in her wheelchair, still not completely recovered following her injury. Next to her sat Xander who did his best to follow Giles' old instructions in moments such as this, to 'keep a stiff upper lip'.

She didn't recognize many others at the service. Olivia was a couple of rows behind her friends and she had been introduced to his eternally young aunts before they all had taken a seat.

The minister was of the Anglican faith and the rituals were of the standard offering that the Anglican Church offered. Willow was not the first friend or family to speak which made it easier for her, but she knew doing this would cement the fact in her mind that there was no going back.

_"I guess I'll never know why after all these precious years you chose to just give in, why you left so many things undone. We only scratched the surface of the thoughts you had within."_

She blew her nose in her napkin and continued.

_"Why did you think that you were never good enough to give, when you accepted us right from the start. We never saw the side of you that didn't want to live and I miss you from the bottom of my heart. What was it that you never told a soul about yourself, what kind of thoughts were buried inside? Was there really no one here you thought would understand or was the only barrier your pride?"_

Willow took a deep breath, the lump in her throat almost choking her completely.

_"With so much love around you I just wish you'd loved yourself, no one here can ever take your place. You were someone special and my words just can't express how much I miss the warmth of your voice."_

She turned to the flower-covered casket on her side, as if expecting an answer.

_"Why did you just give in? Why did you just give up and let it go? It's hard to see you disappear without a real good bye, there's so many things I wish I'd said. All the little things you did that made it all worthwhile meant more than all the tears you never shed."_

Quiet words of agreement was heard from both Xander and Dawn.

 _"You always seemed so happy, but I guess no one can tell what goes on inside a persons mind. You loved your Scoobies dearly and you did your very best. Someone like you can't be found._ _All the things you went through for your Scoobies every day, and all the sacrifices that you made were worth much more than anything that wealth could ever buy..."_

She paused looking down into the ground, taking a moment to gather the strength to continue. She looked into the distance as she went on.

_"And now that love can never be repaid. In the end I guess you couldn't take it anymore so you closed your eyes and swallowed all your pain. I know that you've done the same so many times before but all the questions in my mind remain."_

She turned to the casket again, establishing eye contact with the picture of him on top of the casket.

_"I guess I'll never know. Rest in Peace, Rupert Giles. You will have to watch over us from heaven from now on."_


End file.
